Born: Nov. 16, 1952 ~ Died: Dec. 11, 2009 of cancer-related heart attack
The nurses at the Hospital knew that Pauline had hours to live
and they would not allow this kind and much loved woman to pass without
fulfilling her final wish to marry Tim.
Daughter Michelle recalls “she was admitted to hospital around three and
they were married around eight.”
The circumstances that lead to this whirlwind wedding were both tragic and a
testament to an amazing woman and generous hospital staff.
Pauline was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer Oct. 2 and the prognosis
was terminal. Upset at first, Pauline didn’t want to burden her family or friends
and instead enjoyed every moment with their large combined family: Pauline’s
three children Joe, Michelle and Jeannette and Tim’s four children as well as
their combined nine grandkids. Her hope was to live til next summer, for a final
swim in the couple’s Kitchener pool, but the cancer was more aggressive than she
could fight. Pauline and Tim, together for 18 years, decided they would carry out
their family’s long standing wish to marry, setting a date of Dec. 13. A marriage
license, suits and dresses were purchased, a multi-tiered cake ordered, everything
was in place but on Dec. 11, Pauline was rushed to hospital, the cancer having
lead to blood clots and a heart attack. Pauline was dying, but not before the
nurses launched an incredible campaign to transform their patient’s hospital room
into a makeshift chapel, filled with festive Christmas decorations and flowers
borrowed from every hospital corridor. The priest, called to perform last rites, also
agreed to perform the wedding while friends dashed off to pick up Tim’s suit, the
marriage license and a tier of the cake from the bakery. Michelle helped her
mother into a red gown. “She looked beautiful,” said Michelle.
And when it was all over, when Tim and Pauline were man and wife, Pauline gently
told her family and friends to get a coffee so she could spend time alone with her
new husband. By the time the family had returned, it was all over, Pauline was
gone.
The tragic rawness of that day was as stirring as its beauty and friend Lisa
recalls the event with clarity, particularly the look in Tim’s eyes when
he entered Pauline’s room. “I will never forget the look of pure love in his eyes,”
she said. It was hard not to love Pauline.
“She was one of my most precious gifts in friendship,” said Lisa. “She was love.”
Pauline was born a middle child in a family of 11, a position that automatically
meant she helped care for younger siblings. Michelle said her grandmother was a
woman filled with love, but she was also busy and it was sometimes up to Pauline
to dish out the nurturing.
After Pauline’s first marriage ended, she moved with her young daughters and
teenage son close to the University and within a year she met Tim.
He tears up as he explains how this woman made him a better man, that it was
because of her he went to university and completed three degrees. In fact, for five
years both Pauline and Tim attended university part time, year round, without a
break for holidays. Michelle said her mother loved to learn and wanted to set a
good example for her children.
Tim, a youth worker, said “she was just enthralled by everything she was learning.
She was in her element.” Pauline completed an undergraduate degree in sociology
and a bachelor of education degree, with plans on becoming a teacher. In the
meantime, she worked as a supervision hall monitor at a Kitchener high school,
a job that required her to deal closely with the students by monitoring
everything going on around the school as well as providing conflict resolution and
agency referrals. But sometimes, the kids just needed someone to listen.
“She couldn’t stand to see a sad face, a worried face,” said Tim. “She became
mom to 1,600 kids.”
Both Lisa and Michelle said Pauline accepted everyone for themselves, warts and
all, and she appreciated faults as much as she celebrated strengths. She was a
woman who thought only about others so when her friends gathered to raise
money for the family, to help pay for naturopathic treatments, Pauline had a
difficult time accepting the help. Pauline and Tim had been supporters of the local
blues community and had made many friends over the years so when the Nov. 2
fundraiser was announced musicians vied for a chance to perform. Such
outpourings of love were common for Pauline. People would cross the street just to
have a chat when they spotted her walking by. She was completely genuine and
exuded positive vibes. Michelle said “she had this infectious personality; she lit up
a room when she came in.” Daughter Jeannette said their mother was always
teaching her children, whether it was how to bake cookies or how to treat others.
Michelle added “she raised us to do a kind deed every day and never to say the
word ‘hate.’”
Lisa concluded “she was everybody’s mother.”
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